What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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