I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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