wakey wakey hands off snakey
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
