I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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