Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
