Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
