I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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