Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize