when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Randomize
