I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
