There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
