maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
she looked like the before picture.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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