Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
