he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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