So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
