I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
