why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Girls should come with a carfax report
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
