Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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