And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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