Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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