He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
