I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
