Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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