He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
