Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Randomize
