Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
