I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize