Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
