I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
