Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
ttyl tear gas
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
