Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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