I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
