For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
