mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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