I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
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