the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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