Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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