i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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