come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
