I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
