two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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