I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
