he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
