If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
well you can't waste a boner
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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