I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
