Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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