Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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