Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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