alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
