Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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