doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
