i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
