Midget sex pt 2 tonight
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
