just come out here and I will go home with you...
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
