return my video game
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
