Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
