How'd it feel making her break her religion?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
