Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
