TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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