my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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