eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Well I just put wine in my tea
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize