He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
