OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
