Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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