Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
