Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
